If only the noble British Empire were still around. Someone told me yesterday that they were going to posthumously knight Benny Hill. It turned out to be just a rumour, but I had already dressed up in my ceremonial pith helmet and ascot, and was prepared to host a little soiree in his honor. I blame this mix-up on Blair and New Labour, good riddance to bad rubbish I say!
The burning of the last tea ship, the Cutty Sark brings back many fond memories. I can think of three off hand. First, the time that mother thought to add Heinz Baked Beans to our teatime. Second, the bottle of Cutty Sark I have hidden away safely in my sock drawer. And finally, the last three tea ships that I personally had the opportunity to burn in their supposedly safe harbors. Alas, someone got to this one first, as usual. I blame the blasted yanks!
Oh, upon further of perusal of the Fleet Street Daily’s, it turns out that her majesty is actually knighting the American Basketball player Grant Hill. How embarrassing for me, especially as I learned that Benny Hill had already been knighted in 1975. I really must pay more attention to current events.
A delicate coating of
dust was slightly disturbed by the outreaching glove of M. Jenkins.
She lightly laid her hand across the delicate inlaid patterns of
descending swirls that curled across the front of her father’s
armoire. The armoire was decorated with several different designs;
on the front were inlaid spiral patters, delicately meant to suggest
the symmetry of wooden form. The patterns had been inlaid in 1867 by
a one armed man. We shall say no more of him, for he sounds somewhat
interesting and I wish to go on about the armoire for the next ten
My dear American
compatriots, I once again congratulate you on your fourth of July
celebrations. However, send one more bottle rocket in the direction
of my picnic basket, and we could always shout “how about two
out of three?"
the People’s Princess would have been forty-six today. As
with other expatriates of her fair country, I once again will
ceremoniously listen to my copy of Queen’s News of the
World in her honor.