R.E.M. Collapse Into Now: Top 20 Positive Review Angles

by Brett Essler

1. Best last R.E.M. album of Warner Brothers contact
2. Best R.E.M. studio album since Accelerate
3. Best 15th studio album by R.E.M.
4. Best R.E.M. album since Bill Berry's farm's fall harvest
5. Best R.E.M. album since Mike Mills grew a soul patch
6. Best R.E.M. album since Peter Buck's "air rage" incident
7. Best R.E.M.  album of the Obama administration
8. Best post-George W. Bush administration R.E.M. album
9. Best post-George Herbert Walker Bush administration R.E.M. album
10.  Best R.E.M. since Gwenyth Paltrow began a singing career
11. Best R.E.M. album since Michael Stipe was outed as a carnivore on Mario Batali's PBS special
12. Best R.E.M. album with a yellow cover since Reveal
13. Best Bill Rieflin era R.E.M. album
14.  Best R.E.M. album with a Patti Smith cameo since New Adventures in Hi-Fi
15.  Best R.E.M. album since fifth time band "almost broke up"
16. Best R.E.M. album with most cringe-inducing song title ("Mine Smell Like Honey")
17. Best R.E.M. album to leverage James Franco's NYU film studies graduate work for promotional purposes
18. Best R.E.M. album in spite of Eddie Vedder guest vocal
19. Best album since/in spite of Stipe friendship with Coldplay's Chris Martin
20. Best R.E.M. album since "Best R.E.M. album since..." music critic crutches began appearing (circa Life's Rich Pageant)