(Excerpts from Go Metric: The First 250 Years - An Eighteen Disc CD-ROM Set)
June 8, 1954 - "What's Wrong with a Good Witch Hunt?"
Some of our more imaginative newscasters, such as Mr. Edward R. Murrow (a name that shall endure as long and as fondly as that of certain singer saddled with the surname Presley), have suggested that the esteemed senator from Wisconsin, Joseph McCarthy (R), is engaged in practices that they, the aforementioned newscasters, condescendingly describe as a "witch hunt." We agree, yet we do not take issue with the political tactics employed by the good senator. Although the term "witch hunt" is much derided, it is a much-needed corrective measure. Is not a witch hunt akin to the rejuvenation one experiences when conducting a good spring cleaning of the carport? A necessary cleansing of that which is no longer needed and, in the case of oily hand towels and rusty garden tools, potentially lethal? Our great-great-great grandfather, Eustache Sheldrake presided over the Salem witch trials and personally set aflame the fags beneath the feet of at least three of those accursed hellspawn, and to his eternal credit, Salem has been witch free for over 200 years now.
While we are not saying that Murrow and his Bolshevik buddies should be burnt at the stake as in the days of yore, nonetheless, there is a swiftness and finality to the witch hunts of yesteryear that is lost on today's youth.
We do not set forth the proposition that all Reds should be burned, but if it should come to that, we would like to inform the much beloved Mr. McCarthy and his many supporters that our Ready-Strike matches are in hand.
Coming soon: "Parents: How to Prepare Your Household for the Coming Skiffle Craze"
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