365 Rejected 365 Day Book Projects (Part 1, 1-50)

by Brian Cogan

I recently decided the easiest way to be a famous author is to write a blog about doing something every day for a year. However, as many people have already done this, finding an original idea was, shall we say, might prickly. What follows week is my new project: to think of 365 unworkable bad ideas, one a day for a year!

Here are the first fifty.

365 rejected 365-day book projects.

1. A book about losing a pound a day for a year. This idea was rejected because I only weigh 210 pounds and this plan would result in death within a few months.
2. Staring at the mirror for one hour a day. Can I notice the pounds I’m putting on?
3. Count my many enemies, do I have 365, or not?
4. Find one person a day who looks like me. Ask them if they see the resemblance.
5. Ironic moustache, how long after 365 days?
6. Flag pole sitting, is there already a record for this?
7. Listen to Harvey Danger’s Flagpole Sitta once a day for 365 days (note, already in progress).
8. Write a song a day for 365 days. Note: Ryan Adams already does this, probably at least two a day. Robert Pollard probably much more.
9. Snappy new sayings for Ziggy (Note: these may be stockpiled way in advance).
10. Create 365 new sitcoms that involve a wacky fat guy and his incredibly hot wife who squabble, but she usually get the best of him.
11. Same thing, only this time with African-American actors.
12. 365 days in bed. (Note check on how soon someone gets bedsores.)
13. Joke a day, all of them about how difficult it is to write a joke a day.
14. Write daily comic strip for a year. (Note, see if “Blondie” currently needs a writer. )
15. Sit across from Marina Abramovic for one year. See if she blinks.
16. Write a children’s book about a plucky young adventurer who works as a boy wizard by day and a snarky paperboy by night!
17. Increase number of deep knee bends one a day until hit 365 a day. (Note: does anyone still do deep knee bends?)
18. Wait daily on the Shake Shack line, but buy nothing.
19. Strategize for whole year on how to make telegrams cool again.
20. Spend year learning to speak Morse code.
21. Stand on one leg for a year, but which one?
22. Cook all recipes by Julia Child’s husband.
23. Start organic farm in two-bedroom apartment. Chickens in living room or office?
24. Start a different improv group every day for year. Each one needs a theme?
25. Live off photosynthesis for one year. Question, will that mean I will be hungrier in the winter?
26. Start a different band every day. But would doom metal band need more than one day to get through a song?
27. Tap dance every day for a year. Ask downstairs neighbors first?
28. Hand with groups of aging skinheads for a year without “putting the boot in” during a fight.
29. Not having sex every day for a year. Note: this seems viable, refer back to high school for more info.
30. Glass of wine a day for 365 days. Note, this works as well the other way around.
31. Try ingenious “acme” products for a year in quest to finally catch the Roadrunner.
32. But a lawn. Find some kids. Put them on lawn. Shout at them to get off lawn. Repeat every day.
33. Find kingdom of the blind, see if two-eyed man can be king for year.
34. Repeat with kingdom of the hearing impaired.
35. Instead of going to gym every day, hang out with a guy named “Jim” every day for a year.
36. Invent 365 new dances, one for each day of the year. Find out if “The Safety Dance” can be reused. (Great title!)
37. Hold boombox playing “In Your Eyes” outside random girls houses every day for a year. Note: get good lawyer first.
38. Find out one new fact about New Mexico a day. Day one: Wait, it’s a state?
39. Streak across Deleware. Note: works length wise, but are winters cold there?
40. No vowels for a year.
41. Not reading anything by Sarah Vowell for a year.
42. Heroin every day for a year? Easy to quit when done, right?
43. Same thing for smoking as well?
44. Become an ultimate griller. Note, does small apartment have proper ventilation?
45. Same question for indoor ultimate Frisbee.
46. Seduce a Hollywood starlet, one a day for a year. Note: Check stalking laws in New York and LA.
47. Check on stalking laws every day as new job as legal advisor for potential stalkers for a year?
48. Memorize one Latin word a day for a year. First one: Ipsa!
49. Steal from Snoopy and read one word from War and Peace for a day.
50. Insert Zombies into War and Peace and other Russian novels every day for a year.