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Last Survivor of Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark Julie Taymor Era Previews dies at 106

By Brian Cogan

(Taken from the obituary section of the New York Times, May 31, 2211)

Carter Thompson, believed to be the last survivor of the long and troubled preview audiences during the Julie Taymor era of Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark, died last week at the age of 106 at his home in Allentown, Pennsylvania, according to a family spokesman.  It is believed that he died of natural causes.  Although Thompson was a long time  electronic car mechanic, devoted husband, father of three children, grandfather of six and longtime member of the Rotary Club, he is best known as the longest living member of the SMTOTD preview audience of the troubled Julie Taymor era. The last other surviving Julie Taymor preview audience member, Lenore Daw, died last year at the age of 112.

This Charming Man

Glance over the ranks of Go Metric contributors past and present and you'll find few tattoos. Our idea of permanence doesn't go much beyond the initials we Sharpie on our undershirts. But when we do get some ink, we do it right. GM contributor Chris Gethard. Morrissey.

Great Moments in Morrissey Fandom: The Tattoo

Thought of the Day by Berholt Brecht

Man, my plays really don’t age well, do they?  I blame capitalism.

Thought of the day by Sam Beckett

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A recent discovery of much import to the fine dramatic arts

As reported by Crispin Cadwalader (Go Metric Drama Critic)

Samuel Beckett, The author of Waiting for Godot, Krapp's Last Tape and Embers among others, was one of the great playwrights of the theater of the absurd was not known for talking much.  He was once reported to have remarked that a reason he did not talk was that talk would be a "stain on the silence."  It is also said that while Beckett was the assistant to James Joyce, the two would often sit together in melancholy silence for hours, drinking wine and brooding. 

Well, that as the popular view of Beckett, as it turns out we had him all wrong! The recent release of the Beckett archives upon the occasion of what would have been the playwrights 100th birthday has led to startling new discoveries in Beckett scholarship. Not only was Beckett quite loquacious (a recently released tape of a drunken Beckett at a Friars Club roast of Shecky Green in 1972 proves this beyond a doubt), but quite interested in popular culture.  Indeed, recent scholarship unearthed a rare Beckett foray into American television, when in 1975, Beckett was asked by producer Gary Marshall to turn his short absurdist play Happy Days into an American teen comedy set in the fifties.  We are fortunate indeed that the Beckett estate allowed us to bring this brief excerpt from Samuel Beckett's Happy Days.

Scene: the stage is set as a deserted wasteland, illuminated only by a bright neon sign proclaiming "Arnolds."  In the center of the stage Mrs. C (Marion) sits covered up to her waist in filth.  Slightly behind her the Fonz crouches, staring unblinkingly into the distance.

Mrs. C. (Gazing at Zenith) Another heavenly day! (Pause) Sunday (pause) Monday (pause) happy days.  (Pause) Tuesday, Wednesday (pause) happy days (Pause) Thursday Friday (pause) happy days. (Adjusts parasol) Arthur?  Arthur?  Are you there Arthur?  (Pause) Of course you aren't talking.  It's understandable.  The years gone by.  I can see you lost in thought (pause) all the things you must be thinking about.  (Pause) Are you thinking of Pinkie Tuscadero Arthur?  Arthur?  (Pause, adjust parasol) I think you might be.  (Pause, removes revolver from handbag, sets on ground next to her) I'm not jealous Arthur.  When he was young Mr. C. had a passion.  A passion. (pause) did I say a passion?  A hardware store is a passionate business.  A business (pause) I did say a business, didn't I?  Arthur?  (Pause) Do you still remember the Malachi Crunch? (The Fonz, on his hands and knees walks slightly onto the front of the stage) Arthur?  I said do you remember the Malachi Crunch?

The Fonz: Aaaaay.

Mrs. C: Ah, you do remember the Malachi crunch!  You do. (Pause) Then there is light in the world still, oh happy days.  (Pause) Arthur?  Do you think Joanie Still loves Chachi?  (Pause) Arthur? (Long pause)

Curtain.