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Ten Reasons Why the New York Dolls are STILL Lookin’ Fine on Television

by Gary Pig Gold

1. The fully, perfectly B&W action kicks straight off down some desolate roadside with a dusty, yet meticulously trashy-as-ever Dolls being asked “how you, um, guys got together.” “I met Arthur on MacDougal Street,” says Johnny. “Na na na, that's not how it started,” complains Sylvain, as nearby twigs ‘n’ cigarette butts suddenly become airborne. And? We're off !! 
2. Vintage “Lookin(g) For A Kiss” performance footage is expertly intercut with shots of our not-yet-ready-for-celluloid heroes as they walk down Hollywood Boulevard, checking out the neighborhood novelty-slash-porn shops, cruisin’ Frederick's, and catching David JoHansen actually experimenting for perhaps the first time with a terrifyingly great big proto-Poindexter coif. 
3. A lone, brave fan holds up a crudely-scrawled cardboard sign proclaiming N.Y. DOLLS ARE GREAT as “Trash” picks up, this time accompanied by off- site, quite outasite sequences of the boys poncin’ n’ prancin’ up their proverbial storm at a calculatingly lo-budget photo shoot …David's hair now back into its proper Tyler-vs-Jagger shambles, we see. 
4. Speaking of whom, hilariously quaint all-last-night's-parties footage of the man being interviewed, poolside, soon begins appearing between songs. And I quote: “Pittsburgh, they went wild. We played third bill to Mott the Hoople and the Blue Öyster Cunt [sic!]. We didn't even have a dressing room – they gave us this little trailer that was in this ice-skating rink/swimming pool complex. We ate in this diner. It was just about time to go on and EVERYBODY started throwin’ up. Violently!” 
5. The Dolls' faux-Tommy gun ridden homage to Alice Cooper's Greatest Hits, aka their “Lipstick Killers” proto-gangsta shoot, is herein repositioned beneath “Bad Detective,” followed by the wisenheimers as severely alt. cowboys in toy holsters and plastic GI Joe bazookas for, of course, “Vietnamese Baby.” 
6. Cut to WNBC-TV newsman Tony Hernandez reporting: “History is being made in the Grand Ballroom of the Waldorf-Astoria hotel tonight. For the first time that anybody really can remember, a Rock Halloween Party is being held here. As you can see, the Guest List appears to be quite unique” – as the WNBC cameras pan across a 1973 audience much more Rocky Horror than “rock” – “as are the hosts of this Halloween party. I'm speaking of the unique group of young men known as the New York Dolls.” Cue “Human Being,” Syl quite convincing indeed in his Charlie Chaplin costume (that little tramp) as a VERY Doll'd-up, far-from-dull pantomime horse suddenly waltzes on stage, giving David JoH quite the run for his $.
7. Those of the Gawker persuasion should meanwhile keep a close eye peeled for gorgeously grainy glimpses of Cyrinda Foxe, Michelle Piza, and other certifiably Rock Scene-approved arm candy sprawled backstage and underfoot throughout Lookin' Fine On Television. In fact, look very closely and you can even spot the Dolls' Mercer Arts Center compadre Ace Frehley celebrating his very own Rock Halloween. 
8. So nice to see so much of Arthur “Killer” Kane throughout the proceedings as well, he the solid-bottomed Ox (as in John Alec Entwistle) of mock-rock. RIP …to both of them.
9. During the concluding “Jet Boy” sequence we are naturally treated to frightfully hilarious footage of the hot-panted Dolls invading Kennedy Airport, actually being allowed to board an L.A.-bound jet (with Bob and Nadya Gruen's trusty video gear rolling!) then watch what's left of them being most unceremoniously dumped hours later out upon the left coast. This was, rest assured, many years before the creation of the TSA, all you frequent flyers out there will be most relieved to know. 
10. But perhaps the true black-and-white heart(break) of the matter is to be found within Lookin' Fine On Television's Bonus Footage, wherein David, most uncomfortably – in more ways than one – clad in some turtleneck/sports jacket contraption interviews his old – in more ways – bandmate Johnny Thunders outside CBGB. The two attempt witty, friendly banter one 1976 night on the Bowery just prior to Thunders’ UK Anarchy tour with the Damned and the Sex Pistols (“I think they're real cute; that's all I know about 'em, really. I've seen their pictures,” says Johnny). Reference is duly made – though at this early stage in the game neither can realize the full import or irony of the situation – that the Pistols are under the command of, and “outfitted,” as David points out, by none other than ex-Dolls' svengali Malcolm McLaren. “He's really got an eye,” adds JT. Malc also certainly realized, though in this footage it isn't clear if either Messrs. Johansen or Thunders do yet, that the Dolls' days and nights have already clearly come and gone; the band and its brand already tragically unhip by ‘76, rendered utterly redundant by the Ramones and painfully passé by those Pistols. More proof cannot be had of this than watching herein the stragglers outside CBs pushing obliviously by our two joking B&W video stars, busy instead with the new hot club and the new cool scene(s) the New York Dolls themselves, as Lookin' Fine On Television more than shows, more than inspired and instigated.

The Monkees Present

It may have taken me over forty years, but on June 16, 2011 I finally got to see one of my all-time favorite rock ‘n’ roll bands in concert.

Much More of the Monkees

by Gary Pig Gold

Can it really be true that Rolling Stone publisher/magnate Jann S. Wenner has personally conducted a decades-long campaign to bar The Monkees from induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

Far-from-dummy Monkee Peter Tork certainly thinks so.

"He doesn't care what the rules are and just operates how he sees fit," Tork told the New York Post in 2007. "It is an abuse of power. I don't know whether The Monkees belong in the Hall of Fame, but it's pretty clear that we're not in there because of a personal whim."

Now sure, the Monkees (along with the Beach Boys, Byrds, even Beatles, most every Motown act, etc. etc. etc.) certainly didn't play every single note on every single record they ever made. Nevertheless, in 1967 Jann and his fledgling zine were riding extremely high on the Monkee-bashing bandwagon, using the television rockstars as the best/worst examples of all that was unhip, uncool, and truth be told un-San Francisco in the world.

Fair enough. I remember it also took Rolling Stone over a decade to figure out the Ramones too.

Deep-Catalog Purple

by Gary Pig Gold

"Just what the world needs: Another record company."

And with those typically snide words, on the Seventh day of February, 1968, Bizarre Productions was duly incorporated, and two hundred shares of no par value common stock issued in the State of New York, thereby creating the first of several record companies Frank Zappa would oversee during his most colorful life and career.

It’s Tom’s turn to talk: An interview with Tom Scharpling

by Joe Evans III

I was introduced to the work of Tom Scharpling when I started listening to the podcast of The Best Show on WFMU as a way to kill time at work. The show features a mix of Scharpling sounding off, and contending with an endless supply of insane callers, including Jon Wurster (of Superchunk, The Mountain Goats, and many more), who has worked with Tom to create hundreds of character based sketches, and eventually the fake town of Newbridge, New Jersey. Add the fact that the show is an invariable tastemaker (with frequent guests such a Paul F. Tompkins, Julie Klausner and other great comedians, musicians and artists), and you’ve got a unique, modern take on the classic, golden age radio show. I loved the show so much I checked out his other work, most notably the USA show Monk (which he wrote/produced), which was equal parts captivating, touching, and funny at times. Scharpling also contributed to multiple shows on Adult Swim.

Tom granted me the chance to do an interview before a Best Show one night, and was nice as could be. He’s also one of most naturally funny people I’ve ever seen, who can start joking around in the middle of the most serious of discussions, without coming off as just “doing material.” Afterward, he let me sit in the studio on air, which was like a comedy fan’s dream come to life, watching him go off on everything from bullies to Beatles Fest. This was our conversation.