Go Metric

Get In The RV, Part 7: Chaos in Texas

It’s 5:30 in the morning when Chris finally pulls into a Wal Mart lot, roughly an hour into Texas. We only stay for a few hours, starting back up by nine. I’m worn out, not having slept regularly or showered in days, but it doesn’t matter. I’m excited to be in Texas for the first time. Chris is in a different mood, tazing everyone else in the RV until we pull over and tackle him. It doesn’t deter him, as he keeps going, until we pull over again – this time throwing him out, on the highway, thirteen miles outside of Waco, and take off.

I’m sitting on the side bench inside thinking, “well, looks like we’re doing this.” However, I'm still pretty exhausted, so I can’t really comprehend it. However, it turns out that Chris’s bank card is still on board, so we make plans to stop at a hotel to clean up, and go to a spa. I can’t help but think that things are going to get awkward, but I take some joy in knowing at least I can shower for the first time in days.

First, the hotel. I’m so desperate to clean up that I actually go down to the lobby bathroom to wash my face and shave while other people use the shower. I felt infinitely better. From there we head over to a local spa, so we can all get assorted treatments on Chris’s dime. I go with a manicure from a lovely young lady who’s patient enough to deal with me, a guy who’s somehow cocky despite having lived like a hobo the past few days. I get my manicure, read Cosmo in the lobby area, and take a nap on the couch.

The minute we finish and walk out, we start getting texts that Chris is lost, and we slowly start panicking. We quickly brainstorm what to do, like searching the town’s Greyhound station, with no luck. Then we start making emergency phone calls, until we’re just sitting in this parking lot, completely unsure of what to do or how to find him, hopeless.

But as we think it over, things don’t add up, and we get suspicious. We talk it over for a few minutes and make a decision; Chris is pulling a fast one on us. We’re still a little shaken up, but determined to flip this around. Twenty minutes for a fast food dinner (first “real” meal of the day, really), and we take off, hoping for the best.

The drive from Waco to Austin is short, barely over an hour. Halfway through, after some more phone calls, our suspicions are confirmed: Chris is already in Austin. We quickly formulate a new, fool proof plan, and keep driving to Austin.

Next up: The mental game of chicken continues.

— Joe Evans III

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Get In The RV, Part 6: Country Roads

For the first time in the trip, we don’t have an agenda. I wake up before everyone else, wash up the best anyone can in a Wal Mart, and wander around inside. Things I learn: They sell cupcake flavored Fruity Pebbles cereal and keep boxed wine with Valentine’s Day supplies.

I’m depressed and homesick, which was inevitable for this trip. We try to turn finding a place to eat lunch into a funny video, but I’m not in the mood. When we find a tiny roadside hotdog shack, I sit in a corner booth by myself. After we finish and start driving again, I lie down in the back of the RV, headphones on, staring out to the highway. When we finally stop for dinner in Knoxville Tennessee, I still feel down, but I just zone out. By that point, it was snowing so bad that we found another Wal Mart to park at and called it a night.

In the morning, I reprise my Wal Mart routine, though I run a little later and rush to buy some yogurt and apple slices from the Subway and make it back so I don’t hold us up. Once inside I put my food down for a second, until a meeting is called to figure out our plans for getting to Austin. It’s a good twenty minutes, and I assume my food is spoiled by the time I finally reach over for it, but it’s fine. It hits me: The inside of the RV is just as cold as a refrigerator. It doesn’t do anything for my homesickness, nor does knowing I’m barely a week into this.

We start the day by sight seeing, in Pigeon Forge Tennessee, home to the only Zorb track in the country. Giant human sized hamster balls, which are a perfect way for a bunch of comedians to start screwing around. It’s perfectly silent as we pull in, until a loud fire alarm horn goes off in the distance, which to me feels like we’ve just stumbled into a remote bombing range, and we’re about to die.

I think about going for a Zorb ride, but decide to just walk around and watch everyone else screw around, until Shannon throws up in one of the balls. When we finally leave (much to the pleasure of the staff), we’re officially in full on driving mode. It’s Friday afternoon, and we’re in eastern Tennessee. We have to be in Austin Texas by tomorrow night. At this point, if it’s not driving, we’re not doing it.

I keep to myself, headphones on, glued to my phone. After a while, we all start playing games together, to help pass the time. It feels good, like we’re really coming together as friends. My depression goes away, replaced with exhaustion from lack of regular sleep and real food.

At one point we stop for gas. We're still in Tennessee. We take a few minutes just to walk around the gas station to help keep us sane, and Riley is taking pictures of everything. “We’re never going to be here again!” he exclaims. I think back to my own experiences, of ending up at the same rest stops over time, on more than one occasion, by sheer dumb luck, and say “you never know,” before we get back on the RV and keep driving throughout the night.

Next up: It’s the worst day in Austin, except for Joe, who has his best day.

— Joe Evans III

Get In The RV, Part 5: Chapel Hill, Surf City

The day’s drive was painlessly short, only two hours from Richmond, Virginia to Carrboro, North Carolina, a suburb of Chapel Hill. As we left, it felt like springtime, and I happily ditched my jacket in the back storage of the RV.

North Carolina is beautiful and I was happy to be there, but I couldn’t help but be nervous about a few things. Some relatives had mentioned they might come out to the show, and I worried they’d be offended, or I’ll just look like an idiot with no real job. The theater was in the back of a strip mall in a beautiful neighborhood, which also meant I could buy supplies I’d forgotten, like toothpaste (up until now I’d used whatever I found wherever we stayed). But first, the band had a mission: busking for change around Chapel Hill, in an effort to raise money for generator repairs.

We got dropped off downtown, in costume, setting up in front of an empty storefront. After a few minutes we get restless, and started going mobile, at one point walking out into the middle of the street, and then on a public bus. We made a few bucks, and headed back to the theater so I could eat, run errands for myself, and call friends.

Half an hour before the show, my Aunt and Uncle showed up. I was much more nervous, but the show went well. All the bits went over great; Riley’s allowed to do his character, Vacation Jason for the first time, and he kills. Afterward, my Aunt and Uncle tell me they had a great time, and I’m glad I got to see them.

We hung out for a little bit with everyone before we have to leave. From there, we drove an hour to meet up with some kids who offer us a tour of “Acid Park,” which is a bit of local legend in North Carolina. As story goes, a high school girl and her boyfriend took acid, then crashed their car into her father’s property, who proceeded to go insane, and attempt to build large sculptures depicting what they would have seen.

The “park” was located on a fairly remote road in the middle of nowhere, and takes up a few large open fields, that are filled with large, crudely built windmills, and other odd sculptures. The truth is that in reality, this is probably more the work of an eccentric artist, but it’s the middle of the night, and pitch black out, so there’s an element of creepiness to it. We walked around for a while, looking at everything best we can, and headed back on our way.

At that point it was so late and we had nowhere to stay, so we found a Wal Mart to park at for the night, scraping up against a light post as we parked. I laid out some cushions on the floor, and went to sleep.

Next up: The crew discovers (and gets chased out of) Zorb.

— Joe Evans III

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Get In The RV, Part 4: Alt-Comedians of the Universe

I wake up in the corner of a basement rehearsal studio in the outskirts of Baltimore. The first stop of the day is a local winery/deli to, as per someone’s request, buy a sandwich and deliver it to them in Los Angeles. Unfortunately for that person, our generator has been broken for days, which means we don’t have a working refrigerator. On the plus side, we can get decent breakfasts for ourselves.

We’ve received an offer to tour “The Slave Pit,” which is the work space/studio for the band Gwar, where they work on designing and building new costumes, set pieces, and other materials. Chris makes an awkward phone call, and within minutes we’re on our way.

We find the studio, and are greeted by a nice fellow named Matt, who’s one of Gwar’s crew members. Upon walking inside, every room is filled with assorted old set pieces, props, and other memorabilia. Looking around, it’s funny to watch Chris, Shannon, and Will beat each other up with comically large robot arms and hammers. I’m incredibly excited; here I am getting a view at something that not everyone gets to see.

We finish up and head to the venue. Chris has to do an interview with the local NBC Affiliate over Skype (which we ruin), and have time to get dinner at a local barbeque restaurant, where we treat a bunch of locals to their meals. I unwisely base my dinner around hush puppies (which  are delicious, but make me feel terrible).

The venue is a fairly large art space called Gallery 5. There’s a large stage with a movie screen, plus a zine library and art exhibits upstairs. The LLC sound checks and I wash my hair in the bathroom sink as best I can.

The show goes well, though I keep worrying that the audience isn’t really into it (however, I’m built to worry). As per Gwar’s request, the show includes a tribute, with audience members pouring Bloody Marys on Chris, while wearing only a thong and nothing else. Backstage moments before the bit, Chris is furious, mumbling “I don’t want to do this, this is going to be awful” over and over again. But it gets good laughs. After the whole thing finishes there is post-show improv jam, and while changing Chris, Will and Shannon invite me to join them, which blows me away. I don’t do much, just a few walk-ons, but the fact that they mentioned it at all was incredibly flattering.

After the show, we have another place to stay, in an apartment above a garage in the suburbs. There is inevitably a party in the house.  I hang out at for a while before walking back to the garage-apartment and tucking myself under a table to go to sleep.

Up next: The band earns its keep.

— Joe Evans III

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Get In The RV, Part 3: Chain fight tonight

The day’s agenda: Destroy a fallen tree in our friend’s parents’ backyard, then drive to Richmond. Typical comedy tour fare.

We’d hoped to rent chainsaws, but the company doesn’t trust us with them, and gives us handsaws instead. Turns out that it’s really hard to cut up a tree that’s been buried in snow for weeks with handsaws, so Chris goes and rents an electric saw from a different place that doesn’t care as much. As soon as Chris bends over to start cutting, his pants start falling down, and I hear someone say “Can’t he just have a triumphant moment?”  We finally got a few small sections off the tree. Sadly, this takes us well into the afternoon.

We hit the point where we have to admit that we have no chance of chopping up the tree up all the way, probably even over the course of this week, let alone the day. We have to move on. We’re a little disappointed in ourselves, but our host mother doesn’t mind in the slightest. “Just make sure you have fun!” she keeps telling us, before feeding us lunch, and taking us to see an art installation she was responsible for around the corner from Yale University. Then we get back on the road.

We’ve had some offers to head to Philadelphia – someone who wants to make us dinner, and someone who wants to fight Chris. It’s not the longest drive from Connecticut, but it still feels weird, especially passing through New York City and New Jersey. Our first stop is a comedy show that Chris’s brother Greg hosts. When we get there, Chris storms the stage, and he wrestles the mystery challenger.  They only go for a few minutes, but Chris wins, and is not humble about it at all, calling out another group (“I don’t know who they are, but they’ve been talking shit.”). They’re apparently in the audience, and immediately storm the stage. However, it’s a four person sketch group, so Chris calls up Shannon and Will and needs one more, so I decide to step up and run on stage, at which point I quickly realize “I have no idea how to fight.” It takes only seconds for me to be pinned by the largest member of our opponents, but I don’t tap out, and moments later, we win. We rushed out of as the audience boos us.

After storming out, we head over to our dinner invitation. It’s a fairly casual meal of spaghetti, and by casual I mean “there’s no silverware, so I eat with a pair of skewers.” It’s a little strange, but sitting in the living room, silently contemplating what else there is to come on this trip, I can’t complain.

After we finish up, it’s snowing fairly hard, but we have to take off again, driving a few more hours south, finally stoping for the night in the outskirts of Baltimore.

Up next: The gang heads further South, and get a tour of the Slave Pit.

— Joe Evans III

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Chainsaws

Philadelphia Fisticuffs

Weird Dinner in Philadelphia

Get In The RV, Part 2: This Is Boston, Not LA

First thing in the morning we get up to make our way to Boston. Before we leave, Chris yells at me for sleeping on the floor (truth is, I have crazy-levels of personal space issues). We get up early. No one feels like stopping and we make great time. With the exception of the fact that we can’t seem to get the side door to stay closed while we’re on the highway, there are no problems. Everyone feels great, and there’s a feeling of “this is happening” just like at the beginning of any tour. Until we realize we’re about to hit a bridge. That’s when panic starts to set in. We stop just in time, and eventually call 911 for help. The officer waves us through slowly, and we get through with no problems. Until we also realize we left the props for today’s main bit behind. We’re barely down the road, and tensions are already high.

Once we get to where we’re going, we take a few minutes, and collect our thoughts. We replace the props easily and we’re back on track. Our friend Noah, who is a staunch Jets fan, is allowed to ride along with us for the day, as long as he harasses Patriots fans before a very hyped game. Patriots fans are surprisingly calm about the whole thing, but once we see everything is going ok, we calm down a bit. However, we start realizing that none of us have really eaten anything all day, and that it’s freezing (quite a difference from how I thought we’d immediately be heading South for the whole trip).

We finish up and head over to the venue, ImprovBoston but also discover that it’s not easy to drive a seven person RV through narrow, hardly plowed city streets. We have to park at a grocery store, and arrange for a caravan to pick us up and bring us over, so we can finally drop off our stuff and eat. I get a veggie burger and fries nearby, and after everything else today it feels like it’s the first thing I’ve eaten in a week.

This marks the first show we’ve ever done outside of New York City, so I’m anxious. But when we start, the whole theater is filled, and the crowd starts clapping in unison. They’re into it. They’re not entirely sure of what to make of everything, like Will’s stand up, Shannon’s characters, and our interview with some of Chris’s college friends that (one of whom just hit on girls in the audience, and me the entire time), but they’re into it.

When the show finishes up, we head back out on the road almost immediately. We get to a house in Connecticut where we have to film more bits the next day. I set up my sleeping bag underneath another table, on top of couch cushions, barricading myself inside with chairs, and go to sleep.

Up next: Everyone uses saws, and Joe gets involved in a four on four wrestling match.

— Joe Evans III

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Joe and Riley disrespect the Gethard Household

Chris Mentally Breaks

RV almost hits bridge

Get In The RV, Part 1: The First Part

I’ll admit that for most of my life, I’ve been aimless. Never being sure of what I wanted to do with my life, I’d bounce around various dead end jobs while working on other things in my spare time, like bands and writing. Over the past year, I’ve been doing part time office work while performing in the house band of The Chris Gethard Show, a monthly talk/comedy/variety show that takes place once a month at the UCB Theater – balancing my time between a dream job and a menial job. A few months ago, Chris wrote everyone about doing a show in Los Angeles – getting there by driving there cross country together in a seven person RV (there’s more than seven of us). I decided to go for it, not just doing the tour, but also doing my own separate stand up tour immediately after. It was a harder decision than you’d think.

The week leading up to the tour was busy, but it got even busier when we added an extra Gethard Show before leaving New York – on account that we’ve gotten millionaire rapper Diddy to appear as a guest via Twitter. It was a last minute event that immediately caused a notable surge of hype. When I got to the theater there was already paparazzi outside, and I was a few hours early. By the time the show started, the theater was packed. When we finally introduced Chris and Diddy (with an Ergs!/Diddy medly) the crowd was going nuts--I spend most of the show in awe of what was going on. Before I knew it the whole thing was over, it was 4:30 in the morning and I was trying to fall asleep on my friend’s couch in Brooklyn.

The next day I ate brunch with my friend Hallie before heading home for the last few free hours I’d have to myself for the next month. That time was spent packing, and trying to relax. When I ran late on my way back to our official kick off show, I felt like it’s a bad sign, which puts me in a nervous, worrisome mood. I assumed that no one was coming out tonight, but it turned out all right. When we finished up, we all headed to Gethard’s parents house in the New Jersey suburbs where the RV was parked. On the way we passed by malls, diners, and other places I’d go to hang out in high school, which feels like a strangely appropriate way to start the trip, as I’m moving towards a new phase in my life. It was almost four AM by the time we got there, and I realized I'd forgotten toothpaste, and went to sleep under the dining room table.

Up next: The crew manages to get in trip-ending trouble, before even reaching their first stop in Boston.

— Joe Evans

Mommy, Can I Go Out and Read Tonight?

I'm doing a book tour of southern California in mid-February. I'll be joined by Todd Taylor (Razorcake), the Studds Terkel of punk rock and Matt Hart, the Sideshow Bob of punk rock. I've been labeled the Bob Newhart of punk rock. Good stories told well. Even if the Misfits reference doesn't work for you.

- Mike Faloon

Monday, February 14
Calimucho HQ
384 W. 15th St.(Go around the back of the big blue house)
San Pedro, 90731 

Tuesday, February 15 
8:00 p.m. 
12th & G Warehouse
13390 12th St.
Chino, 91710 
with Matt Hart

Wednesday, February16
8:00 p.m.
Public Address (Highland Park)
1268 N. Ave 50
Los Angeles, CA 
with Matt Hart

Thursday, February 17
7:30 p.m.
CSU Channel Islands
Aliso Hall, Room 150
with Johnny Tsaur

Friday, February 18
8:00 p.m.
Stories Books
1716 West Sunset Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90026 (Echo Park) 

Saturday, February 19
1:00 - 4:00 p.m. 
San Diego Zine Workshop
The Ink Spot
Art Center Lofts
710 13th Street, Studio 210
San Diego, CA 92101

Saturday, February 19
8:00 - 11:00 p.m. 
Vermin on the Mount
Sushi Contemporary Performance and Visual Arts 
390 Eleventh Ave.
San Diego, CA 92101

 

Go West, Relatively Young Man: Joe Evans on the road with the Chris Gethard Show

In a few days, Go Metric correspondent Joe Evans III will embark on a two part, nearly month long tour. Part One: Playing music as part of The Chris Gethard Show Cross Country Adventure, as a bunch of comedians travel the country from New York to Los Angeles in an RV that’s not big enough to hold all of them. Part Two: Attempting to make punk rockers laugh with his weird yet true stories from his own life.

We’ll have updates from Joe as often as he can send them in, but it’s still not the same thing as seeing it live in person.

The Chris Gethard Show Cross Country Adventure

January 15
New York City at UCB Theatre

January 16
Boston at ImprovBoston

January 18
Richmond at Gallery5

January 22
Austin at New Movement Theater

January 27
Los Angeles at UCB Theatre

Joe Evans III Stand Up

January 29
Los Angeles at House Show
8 p.m., 5676 York Blvd

February 2
Santa Monica at The Ed Galvez Punk House
9 p.m. at West Side Comedy Theater

February 3
Berkeley at Gilman Street

Geek & Rock Tour: Night of the Bookish

This past weekend the Geek & Rock Tour hit the road. Two bands (Black Wine, the Measure [SA]), two readers (Joe Evans III, me), lots of guests (the Safes, Lexington Arrows, Asteroid Blues, Grace). It was excellent. I might rise off my duff and give it a proper write up — if nothing else, my tourmates certainly deserve that and more — in the meantime I'll turn things over to Jim Testa at Jersey Beat:

The Geek & Rock Tour 2010: Acoustic Pop Punk & Live Zining

— Mike